1:43 a.m. - 2005-04-29
driving home from valerie's listening to whiskeytown (bar lights) with the windows down and the heat up in the late late april cold. then when I return home from the left turn right turn on Ashland there are friendships arriving home at the same time, happy surprise. summer arrangements are made. some things make me sad, some make me happy. there are going to be a lot of changes with me now, I know this, yes. those changes. I'm getting used to it.
I need the change to pull me away from my dullness. the same day pattern dullness. not that I'm not happy 'cause you know I am. I feel like my imagination's running out tho'. and that is no good.
we made a new friend tonight. valerie and I. happy new talks, the old explanations of friendship in relation to newness. all our old memories that are the same, all our explanations butting into each other. in the good way that old friends should be.
but all I really want is for all of us to be happy. it disappoints me because I know it can't happen all at once. and the fantasy/dreams that some of us have don't end up perfect like we picture them. a summer romance for my best chicago friend; a fulfilling career in Lord knows what for me; just: you know. I just want everyone to be happy. anyway, there were cabernets and blue moons and email addys written on borrowed business cards. so we're all getting along all right. andrew bird before I go to sleep. the last of the malbec offered to our visitors. moisturizer and diaryland at 2 AM when i should just be conking out. I'm sad and happy.
also I'm getting married one month from today.
The bar lights and the liquor