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1:04 p.m. - 2003-10-01
gushing, autumn
wednesday, october 1.

it's getting colder, I know because coffee tastes better.

all my sweaters are in Iowa, though, so I should be heading back that way sometime soon. all the best late summer / early fall months have found me in the city, but maybe I'll catch the tail end of all the rural autumn greatness. now's the time of year I miss everything: Rome, ISU, iowa in general. autumn just sharpens all my emotions.

and it's been two years now since Rome. the melancholy isn't nearly as debilitating as it was last year, but it still finds a way to edge into my life, not daily anymore, but occasionally. last weekend at the museum of contemporary art I stood in front of a large scale Thomas Struth photograph of the Pantheon and did not shed a single tear. I think this is healthy.

i've been working a lot, becoming and getting over being sick, I can feel all this in my shoulders, and fatigue. yesterday in a sudafed haze I listened to Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and at the end of Poor Places I sort of tripped out and felt like I was hallucinating. I was watching the ceiling fans move and I though I could see all the blades perfectly, even in fast motion.

and mike sent flowers again yesterday. he's the best.

I have to apologize for not going into more detail about him / us. I'm saving it up, someday soon there'll be a My Love of Mike entry and I'll let everything loose.

but in general I can say I feel so much more solid now. he makes me want to be a better person. isn't this how its supposed to happen? all the pieces just fell into the right places.

gush gush.

back to work

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