9:39 p.m. - 2002-09-03
actually doing work really takes it out of me. man, I'm tired and it's only 9:30. look out, here comes the slippery slope of Adult Lameness.
so today! was my first day! of work! that I get paid for! yay. I feel slightly overwhelmed, kind of getting thrown into the mix. I've never had a job quite like this before, in any way shape or form, so it's a new environment, new process, new schedule to learn, as well as the new tasks I have to complete. it's definitely an entry level design position, as I spent most all of my day scanning and retouching illustrations. two stories: Ollie Octopus Loses a Shoe and something about Messy Monkey. yeah, I'm definitely in children's publishing.
It's a nice office, a good group of people. Almost everyone has Simpsons figurines on their desks, so I figure it can't be that terrible of a working environment. and, I can't tell you how good it feels to be doing something useful. I mean, I know that I'm not using any really specific talents of mine, at least not for the time being; but at least I'm doing something that needs to be done.
So now my life is moving in an upward direction, or at least some kind of direction. It's been awhile since I've felt kick-ass, hopefully that comes sometime soon too.
I think in Ames I was a big fish in a little pond (I hate this phrase, but it's only whats accurate here), now I'm a tiny fish in the big sea. Or, I could use these terms: I was a big fish in Lake Laverne, now I'm a tiny fish in Lake Michigan. you know what I mean, though? No one knows or cares about me here, so I have to go about making my own esteem. This is concerning to me, because I never thought I would feel this. . . inconsequential? I think that's the right word. It's all part of the lesson though. I chose this toughness and I'm happy with this toughness. No story is interesting without conflict, right?
In homefront news, I so badly need to move from this apartment. The kitchen is so dirty I never want to eat, my room has clutter everywhere because the closet's the size of a postage stamp, and I just don't feel comfortable anywhere. I know it sounds like I'm bitching, and I guess I kind of am, but for the most part I just feel really unsettled here. I don't normally buy into all the feng shui stuff, but there is just no good energy in such an uncomfortable space.
I need to go to sleep now so I can wake up and go to work. work!
I have so many ideas and dreams for this life of mine, I really need to start being more proactive. I'm going to get this avalanche of goodness rolling.