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4:06 p.m. - 2004-01-07
new year 2004 number two!
wednesday, january 7. 2004. part one

The state of the Katie. January 7, 2004.

lots to catch up with.

new years was fully excellent. i'd post pictures but I don't need to, you can see them here here and here, and we all take pretty much the same damn pictures anyway.

then this weekend my roommates from Rome invaded my house and we had two full days of Girl Time. We shopped in boutiques that were barely large enough to fit all of us, didn't drink as much wine as expected (i get to keep all the extra!), and generally had a good time. it's funny to track the changes and differences in our lives. for the most part we're all the same; 4 out of our 6 new year's goals were to get a new job. the other two had a goal of getting pregnant. all of us 23/24, the brink of real adulthood. I guess that's how it goes.

but all this happiness balances out with me turning all inward and forlorn. in the past week I've had the most fun and seen all of my old best friends. then sunday everyone left, it snowed 7 inches, and my boyfriend was in new orleans for the sugar bowl.

and, I'll tell you about what happened. mike told me that he and his travel companions stayed out til 6 am saturday night and went to a cabaret, where he was given a lap dance (paid for by the company which sponsored his vacation, no less!) hearing this upset me infinitely more than I ever could have expected. i called ransom and we had a good talk about it, I felt good and thought I'd sorted it all out. but then i was by myself and I thought too much and became upset again. i think my lonelyness of missing everyone mutated into this awful melancholy confusion. I'm really more mad at myself for feeling so terrible than I am upset with Mike. i know it's not a big deal, and it's not like he's going to dump me for some stripper. but lord I can't shake this unsettled feeling I have. this wass the first time I'd ever been upset with him, and it's new and difficult.

i picked him up at the airport monday night and still felt tense, but the more we talked the more all my broody feelings went away. now I'm 100% over it and getting on with everything.

this entry is massive, I'm splitting it in two. go back one for the rest of the story.

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